Swan Song
by Zansetsu
Summary: Swan Song - The beautiful legendary song sung only once by a swan in its lifetime, as it is dying. [ExT] [one-shot]


Disclaimer: I do not own CCS, CLAMP does. 

A/N: The first song is _All these times_ by _Tiffany_, the other one is _Fly Away_ by _Poe_. Thank you Anrui, for giving me the link to Poe's lyrics. And well… this is sort of for Fefa.

(This bit is supposed to be inserted at the end of the story but I don't want to ruin the feel of the story, if there is _any_) Tomoyo's seems to go through mood swings in this fic. . A bit odd. But I hope the transactions between the moods are well, smooth enough. Writing it in different settings is not an excuse for the mood swings, but at least, I have an excuse. (what kind of logic that is, I seriously have no idea. Please excuse this all in the name of the mindless rantings of a blabbering Authoress)

It's also a bit disjointed because of the stupid recollection scene that I've chosen to insert there since I believe that fics are either one shot or just three-chaptered or more. No such things as a two chaptered (completed) fic. 

Gr… _enjoy_? 

~~~~~ 

"Tomoyo, why don't you sing?" 

She declined politely beofre she took a sip of her drink. 

"You sang for Sakura at the capture of the Song Card."

"That was to capture the card." Tomoyo sounded tired. 

"No, that was for Sakura." Eriol corrected Tomoyo in a softer voice. 

Amidst the din in the bar, it was surprising that Tomoyo would hear him. But she did. She smiled wearily, admitting nothing, denying nothing. She downed the entire glass. "You know how uncomfortable I am if I have to sing in front of a large group of people whom I don't know." She refilled her glass. 

"You sang on the day of the graduation ceremony."  

"That's different…" Tomoyo protested feebly. 

"No, that's for Sakura."  

Silence sets in. 

"Why do you keep asking me to sing?" 

Eriol fell silent, not knowing how to best put in words how he felt. How it had saddened him so when he was not able to help the one he loved who was in suffering. He settled for a lie. "Well… you've always loved singing even though you are good, I mean, fantastic at designing and making costumes. You always let out your innermost emotions through singing and I thought… since you rarely smile now since Sakura was gone, perhaps, you should try singing once more." 

Tomoyo gave a sardonic smile, "Do you still remember the day I sang on the graduation ceremony?"

How could he not remember? 

It was the only time that Tomoyo had sung in front a huge group of people whom she didn't know. Tomoyo had never done that. For to her, singing was scared and she never felt quite all right singing for a group of people who had no ties with her. They would not be able to fully appreciate the beauty of her singing as part of her soul, embodied within her song. 

And no one, no one, would ever be comfortable with unveiling their soul for public scrutiny. 

He was surprised, no, _shocked_, when Tomoyo approached him, asking him whether he was willing to pair up with her to perform on the graduation ceremony. He was to play the piano to accompany her singing. 

Staring into her sorrowful amethyst orbs, he suddenly found the answer as to why she wanted to sing on the graduation ceremony. 

"What happened between you and Sakura?"

Tomoyo gave a smile that said, "Am I that transparent?" before she answered simply, "We argued." 

It was not the type of answer he had in mind, but he let it slid for he knew how stubborn Tomoyo was and it was nearly impossible to force anything out of her. 

That day when Tomoyo was supposed to sing, Eriol could sense her nervousness. After all, Tomoyo was used to singing in a choir, where there were other people to hide her. But now, with only herself on stage, she had to depend on herself. He improvised the introduction to her song. The soothing quality of the music had managed to calm her and as he played the last notes of the introduction, she began to sing.  

_"All these times  
I knew some day you'd need to find  
Something that you left behind  
Something I can't give you._

_All these tears  
And like a night love disappears  
My heart's so good for souvenirs  
And memories are forever."_

Eriol was mesmerised by Tomoyo's voice. It was only by his quick reflexes that he managed to stop his fingers from sliding off the piano to listen to her voice. Even though they did some trial runs of the song, Tomoyo had never sung like _this_. With so much emotion poured into it, it was almost unbearably beautiful. 

_"All these times  
All and all I've no regrets  
The sun still shines the sun still sets  
And the heart forgives, the heart forgets  
Oh what will I do now with all these times?_

_One more kiss  
Even though it comes to this  
I'll close my eyes and make a wish  
Hoping you'll remember."_

Watching Tomoyo sing, it reminded him oddly of a swan song. 

Perhaps it was her grace, or maybe it was the way she seemed to have poured her every heart and soul into every word, every syllable of the song. 

But whatever it was, she sang with the grace of a swan.   

_"Say Goodbye  
A bond will make another time  
Don't be sorry if you cry  
I'll be crying too_

_All these times  
All and all I've no regrets  
The sun still shines the sun still sets  
And the heart forgives, the heart forgets  
Oh what will I do now with all these times?_

_All these times...... "_

Tomoyo did not wait for the applause to come before she hurried backstage. 

Eriol could see the tears in her eyes and he left to let her have her privacy. But he felt impotent, not because he was not able to help, but because… he did not mean enough to her to be able to help. 

Days after the graduation ceremony, Sakura left for China, with Syaoran. 

It was then that he realised why Tomoyo had chosen to sing at the graduation ceremony. 

If she had not sung on the day of the graduation ceremony, she would never have the chance to. 

From that day on, Tomoyo had never sung. 

"It was like my swan song." Tomoyo said, pulling him out of the whirlpool of memories and back to reality. She said lightly, "Swans are believed to sing only once in their lifetimes, just before they die. It led to an association between swans and prophecy, because swans were thought to predict their own deaths," she paused, "It may cliché. But part of me died when Sakura left."

Her voice became vehement, "Do you understand how I feel? Do you know how much it hurt when you had something you treasured more than your life taken away? Do you think that I had never tried to heal myself? I did. I tried to sing. But she always appears when I sing. And it hurts. Because I was reminded of the fact that I've lost her."

Tomoyo held up the glass to her eyes, swirling and playing around with it, deliberating avoiding Eriol's gaze, "Before I met her, I sang for myself. I was happy then. But I met her, and the purpose of my singing changed to being for her. And when she left… I… couldn't find it in me to sing anymore. I had no reason to sing. I could not sing for myself since I had nothing to sing for. I could not sing for her, for thinking of her was like reopening old wounds. It hurts. And I'm too cowardly to face it all."

"Then… would you sing… for me?"

Tomoyo stared in shock at Eriol. 

The sound of breaking glass brought her back to reality. 

"Ah… sorry. I'm so clumsy... " Tomoyo bent down in a hurry to pick up the shattered pieces of the glass.

"It's all right… I'm sorry for asking you such a thing." 

"No, it's fine. It must have been the drink. It's making me a bit tipsy." 

"Tomoyo… please don't act this way..." Please, don't pretend that you don't understand what I mean, Eriol thought. 

"…I can't live without my mask on, you know." Tomoyo gave an apologetic smile. 

They stared at each other in a pregnant, tense and awkward silence, each awaiting the other to break the ice. 

"Well… if you do want me to sing, what song would you like to hear?"

"Fly Away by Poe." Eriol replied without hesitation. 

"You have been giving it much thought, haven't you?" Tomoyo gave him a wry smile at him, "Oh… alright." 

"You're not serious…" but Tomoyo was already off to arrange it with the barkeeper and could not hear the words of exclamation that left his mouth. 

The barkeeper evidently not pleased with Tomoyo's special request, but as the exchange of a certain amount of money took place, Eriol could see a fake warming smile plastered onto his face as he beckoned Tomoyo to get onto stage. 

"The song is Fly Away by Poe," Tomoyo whispered huskily into microphone. Eriol might have imagined it, but he thought Tomoyo had winked at him as she said it. Behind her, the band looked confused. They never expected this. To have a woman suddenly pop up from nowhere and request to sing this… god-knows-what song, it wasn't even part of their contract.  

But before they could lecture that _woman_ on the etiquette of the bar, Tomoyo started to sing. 

"_It makes sense that it should happen this way  
That the sky should break, and the earth should shake  
As if to say: Sure it all matters but in such an  
unimportant way  
As if to say:" _

She sang a low, haunting melody, yet her voice was amazingly pure and clear. Slowly, the din in the bar softened. 

_"Fly away, sweet bird of prey  
Fly fly away  
Nothing can stand in your way  
Sweet bird, if you knew the words  
I know you'd say: fly, fly away."_

Everyone was nudging the one closest to them to keep quiet; soon, the normally buzzing bar fell into reverent silence.

_"It makes sense that it should hurt in this way  
That my heart should break, and my hands should shake  
As if to say: Sure it don't matter except in the most  
important way  
As if to say:"_

For a moment, Eriol could hear that light falter and hesitation in Tomoyo's voice. As if she was afraid… of understanding something that she grew to see in the song.   

And in his heart, he prayed hard that Tomoyo could find the courage within herself to go on singing. 

Tomoyo's gaze drifted to him, and with a slight bow of her head, she gave him an undetectable, thankful smile. 

  
  
"_Fly away, sweet bird of prey  
Fly fly away  
I won't stand in your way  
Sweet bird, if you knew the words  
I know that you'd say: fly, fly away."_

Eriol was transported back to the day where Tomoyo sang in front of others. The voice held the same purity and was equally soulful, yet this time, something seemed to change. The emotions, even though both were just as sorrowful, part of it seemed to have softened and eased away, making room for something else. 

There seemed to be… some form of beauty, gratitude for the past happiness in the same sorrowful voice. The contrast between the two seemed to make the sorrow run deeper.

_"It makes sense that it should feel just this way  
That you slowly fade and yet still remain  
As if to say: Everything matter in such an invisible way  
As if to say: It's O.K.  
Fly...away..."_

She ended the song and walked down the stage, ignoring the cries of "Encore!"

"You had a purpose in choosing that song, don't you?" Tomoyo gave Eriol an accusing look as she sat down beside him. "You did know how the song would affect me, didn't you? You did know how I would react to that song, didn't you? Yet you still chose this song." Tomoyo suddenly buried her face in his chest.

Eriol hugged Tomoyo's violent shaking frame. 

"I'm sorry… please, don't cry." He said soothingly. 

"And even when you console me you don't sound sincere enough since you know I don't really mean what I say." Tomoyo further accused Eriol through sobs. 

When Tomoyo had calmed down enough to recover her composure, she pulled away from Eriol. 

"Thank you." She whispered. "Think of it as a farewell gift. Nakuru-san told me all about it." she added when she saw the look of surprise flashing across Eriol's face. 

"So, it was because you felt sorry for me?"

"No," Tomoyo bent in and gave Eriol a soft kiss on the lips. 

"I don't know," she said as she broke the kiss, "somehow, the song had given me this hope that I may heal. But I'm not too sure how definite my hopes of healing are, how definite the possibilities of healing are. But… it just gave me a feeling, a premonition. And it's a start. Promise me that you would wait there for me, in England. I can't promise you whether I'll heal but… please, promise me?"

"…I promise."

~~~~~


End file.
